Lingering Rage
by Meghan Page
Summary: After the fight with Madison and the Axeman's death, Cordelia hears Misty crying and does what she can to comfort her.


Cordelia trod wearily up the stairs, carefully feeling before her for each step. She had just finished talking with Myrtle; they had arranged for a few men that worked for the coven to come and dispose of the Axeman's body. She still couldn't quite believe that the girls had killed him like that, especially not Zoe or Misty. She couldn't say she was sorry to see him go, though, not after what he had done to Fiona.

She was still trying to figure out how she felt about her mother's death. Right now she just felt numb, although she was sure that was just shock. It would wear off soon enough, leaving room for whatever kind of grief she could feel for the woman who had given her life then made it miserable.

As she walked down the hall, Cordelia heard muffled sobs coming from behind the walls. She quickened her pace, counting doors until she found which room the cries were coming from.

_Misty_.

Forgetting to knock in her sudden panic, Cordelia burst into the room, her hand already out in front of her, feeling for the younger witch. She heard Misty gasp in surprise through her tears and used the sound to orient herself.

Misty was sitting on her bed, her knees drawn to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Cordelia sat on the edge of the bed, running her hands up Misty's arms to check for injuries.

"Misty, what's wrong?" she asked, lifting the younger woman's face and running her fingers lightly over it. Her cheeks were wet with tears, but Cordelia could find no cuts or scrapes. "Are you hurt? Please, tell me what's wrong so I can help."

Misty let out another sob, wrenching her face away from Cordelia's touch. "There ain't nothin' you can do t' help me. I'm a horrible person. You shouldn't even be near me."

"What? No, Misty, why would you think that?"

Cordelia reached out towards Misty's knee, but Misty flinched away, shrinking into the headboard. The older woman let her hand drop, desperately wishing she could see Misty's face, to get some clue of what was wrong.

"What would you say that?" she asked again softly.

"'Cause it's true." Misty turned her face into her shoulder, muffling her voice. "I beat up Madison, I helped kill that man…"

"But they both deserved it –"

"No!" Misty whipped her head back towards Cordelia, a few more tears leaking from her eyes. Cordelia imagined she could feel the heat of Misty's gaze. "Ain't no one deserves what I did to 'em. Ain't no one who deserves t' die, or… be beaten like that…"

Cordelia could hear the pain in Misty's voice and couldn't stop herself from reaching out to her again.

"Misty…"

Misty sprung off the bed, tumbling backwards into the wardrobe in her attempt to put as much space between herself and Cordelia as she could.

"Miss Cordelia,_ please_," she choked out. "You shouldn't be near me. I don't wanna hurt ya..."

"You would never hurt me, Misty, I know that," Cordelia said softly, shifting so she was facing Misty's voice.

"How can ya know that when I don't even know it?!" Misty sobbed, wrapping her arms tightly around her middle. "There's a part a' me that I can't control, like this hot ball a' anger just under my ribs, an' sometimes it just takes over, I can't help it…"

At this point, Misty was sobbing so hard she was nearly unintelligible. Cordelia got up off the bed, using Misty's cries to guide herself to the young woman. She wrapped her arms around Misty's shoulders, holding tight even when she tried to twist away.

"Let it out, Misty, honey," she murmured, guiding Misty's head onto her shoulder. "Just let it out."

Misty's shoulder shook with her wracking sobs, and Cordelia's shoulder was quickly soaked with her tears. After a while, Misty's arms came out from between them, snaking around Cordelia's back and holding on for dear life.

When Misty's sobs had quieted to hiccups, Cordelia guided them both back onto the bed, carefully laying Misty down then climbing back up beside her, wrapping her in her arms again.

"Will you talk to me about it?" she asked.

Misty lay there in silence for a while, her head buried in Cordelia's shoulder, concentrating on taking long, shuddering breaths. Finally, she pulled away, looking down where her fingers played with the hem of her nightgown.

"It's been there long as I can remember," she said, her voice hoarse from crying. "'Specially when my mama got sick durin' my last year a' high school. I just wanted t' get out, but I had t' stay an' take care a' her, 'cause there was nobody else. My daddy'd left us a long time ago. She hated me, thought I was evil, an' I hated her back. I hated that I had t' take care a' her even after she abused me for so long, callin' me the devil an' punishin' me for somethin' I couldn't control. But I had t' push it down, 'cause she needed me. I could feel it collectin' down in my chest, day after day. I thought it'd go away once she died, but it didn't. I could still feel it there, waitin' t' come out.

"It was worst when I came back after those fuckers burned me. It was like the fire'd burned away whatever it was that held it down. I… did some real awful things. I brought back some gators an' set 'em on the poachers who'd killed 'em. An' I liked it. It made me feel… satisfied. I hated myself that night, but there was nothin' I could do t' take it back.

"An' now I beat a girl silly an' helped kill a man all in one night… My mama was right about me. I got an evil inside me."

She tried to roll away from Cordelia, out of her embrace, but the older witch just tightened her grip.

"No, Misty," she said. "Your mother was not right about you. Honestly, given what you've told me, I'm surprised you didn't turn out even angrier." She laughed a little, trying to bring a bit of levity to the situation.

When Misty didn't respond, she continued seriously, "There is nothing evil in you, not one bone. You always see the world with such positivity that I'm amazed. Even more so now that I know some of what you went through. The fact that you have that anger does not make you bad. To me, it makes you even stronger, that you can overcome that rage and still give off such happiness and light.

"You are not evil. You are beautiful."

Throughout her speech, Cordelia had been running her hands up and down Misty's arms, through her hair, trying to convey through touch the absolute sincerity of her words. She could feel the younger woman calming under her ministrations, her breathing becoming deep and even, her tense muscles relaxing.

"Do ya really think so?" Misty asked her quietly. If Cordelia had her sight, she would have seen the younger woman gazing at her with such depth of emotion it would make her gasp.

Not being able to do so, she simply replied, "Of course. I'd like to think I've gotten to know you well over these past few weeks, and nothing I've seen in you suggests anything but absolute goodness. You are not evil."

Misty sank into Cordelia's embrace, finally allowing herself to relax fully.

"Thank you, Miss Cordelia," she murmured, nuzzling into the older woman's neck. "Thank you…"

Within seconds, she was asleep, her face buried in Cordelia's soft hair.

The older witch just smiled, shifting a bit to get comfortable, and settled in for the night.


End file.
